whispers in the dark | about my BPD

Another person I know came forth with an admission that they too suffer from BPD. This makes the second one this year, and possibly the fourth one I know. A psychiatrist I know doesn’t believe in BPD, but I do – and I’m diagnosed with it.

I occasionally hear whispers. This might be the onset of schizophrenia but I only have a 25% chance of inheriting it. It’s like the interior of my brain gets amplified and I hear it in the real world. BPD sucks. The thoughts vary, which means the whispers vary in both what they say and how loud they are.

I spent the whole of today alone.

I know it’s not the ideal, and most people can function alone – but I’m not a Sim with the Loner trait. We need a balance of being social and being alone, and I guess I either don’t like myself very much when I’m alone or I don’t know who I am when I’m alone. I like being around people I like. I like being in busy shopping malls and talking to people and things like this help keep me sane.

Once I’m alone within the four walls of a house, as long as I’m alone, the whispers get louder. Sometimes I start hallucinating. I’ve done it a few times, and it’s not pleasant. I imagine it isn’t for anyone else.

I don’t know what the point of this post was, but maybe it’s just to reach out.

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