me & my phone

not a single one of my partners has liked my obsession with my phone

it started out with existing on the internet
because I had a strict curfew and being on the internet was like being free

then I learned about social media and message boards and IRC
where I could meet people around the world
and they didn’t see the sad, empty girl who got
stuffed in lockers and forks thrown at her

then it became a safety blanket
because if I was looking at my phone I could pretend
that I wasn’t listening, that I wasn’t paying attention
that they weren’t shouting

then I found fanfiction
I could create worlds but more importantly
I could read stories that I wanted to read with characters that I loved
like mods or DLCs in a pre-made universe

then I got diagnosed and Reddit was like finding people who were like me
people who understood and went through things like me
ways to explain my strange behaviour
ways to cope with my behaviour

none of my partners like my behaviour with my phone
but it’s the only thing that comforts me.

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