mid-month updates

Mid-month updates, since I’m trying to be more consistent with updating this site, my social media and getting a handle on work – all with maintaining my family obligations and being a (sort of) decent new parent.

First off, thank you so much to all the people who have submitted for USER MANUAL. You have no idea how much it means to me that a) there was interest and b) so many people actually came through and sent in entries. Mental health isn’t easy to talk about, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be reading through everything (and working on the layout) so that the zine can come out by the end of the month.

I’m working on setting up a store link so that you can buy actual physical copies of the book, or get digital versions if that’s more your jam. I’m also planning on distributing this through Biawak Gemok, which will arguably be cheaper and you’d be donating to a good cause. The point is, this is all about awareness and I might be a millennial whose big mood is I want to die lmao, but people do need to be aware and more sensitive to these things.

This project is pretty close to my heart, and brings me to another topic. I recently played Doki Doki Literature Club – and that may not have been my best idea. Thanks tech desk editor at work. I’m not like, outright banned from playing it but in the interest of keeping my somewhat depleted sanity intact, I should probably not play for a while. Act 1 was messy enough and internet reviews tell me that it only gets worse from here on out.

In other news, I’ve changed my medication cocktail and I’ve got a follow up appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday. I’m pretty open about my struggles with mental health, considering it does make a huge impact in my life. On one hand, I have really shitty coping mechanisms that I’ve been working to correct (establishing healthy eating habits, reducing intake of detrimental substances, the list goes on) but I do have the occasional relapse. 

The one thing that tends to go haywire during an episode is my sleep schedule. I either don’t sleep until stupid o’ clock in the morning (like now, I’m writing this at 2:51am) or I sleep too much. I once slept for 32 hours and scared my now-boyfriend half to death. The new medicine cocktail seems to be helping, but it’s been a little over a week. I can’t exactly tell just yet. 

Clonazepam (Klonopin) vs. Alprazolam (Xanax), the anxiety attacks don’t really chain as much any more. They also aren’t as severe, which I can tell you is a life changer. I hate having anxiety because it really makes me feel like an idiot – I lose a lot of motor control, all the adrenaline makes me want to run away from the person/thing causing my anxiety and then I feel completely worthless as a human being because why can’t I stop myself from overthinking. 

It’s a pretty vicious cycle, now that I think about it. I get anxious about something, I get depressed that I can’t do anything. I get depressed about something, I get anxious that I’m not being productive because I’m depressed, then I get depressed that I’m anxious. I’m kind of a nightmare to be around. It’s probably why Sayori’s (Doki Doki Lit Club character) poem “Bottles” hit a little too close to home. I’ve actually put together an infographic for an article I’m working on. I find that people don’t really know what to say when it comes to depression, so I went Googling around and I managed to get this. I’ve written the article, it just hasn’t been uploaded yet.

The office (read: editorial projects manager) is making us use Google Keep to keep track of our tasks, and putting us on low-priority if you don’t keep yours updated. Being put on low priority sucks because you get assigned events that are a) really far away or b) not to your liking. This week, I’ve done two dessert events which are great and fun, but I feel like I’ve had too much sugar and need to do a detox now. I’ve actually put up an Instagram post ahead of the actual review to write.

I’ve gotten my hands on a point-and-shoot camera from my boyfriend, so I’m thinking of starting vlogs. I don’t know if I’d be very good on camera, as the head of production once I said I was pretty sulky when they tried to film a review for the office YT channel. That being said, I’ve been experimenting with poses and angles, so I’ve gotten some really great photos lately. They’re on my Instagram, but you’ll see them below.

trying to get that pose while staying within the timer frame
favourite jacket, for real
tried a sleeker look
taken in an MRT station, but also - awkward
taken by Yasmin, the intern
balanced my phone on the windowsill because I needed that natural lighting

Details are all on my Instagram, but that’s my favourite Pestle & Mortar varsity jacket and I’ve broken out my combat boots and duster jacket again. I really do need to clean my shoes though. Talk to you all again soon.

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